Good Morning Fire Eater!

Listening to Copeland's new album! Drinking a long forgotten coffee favorite: Irish Cream Latte. Pure Bliss!
Over these last few weeks (after coming home from a crazy Alaskan cruise), I've kind of done a bit of self discovery. Discovery: I am not very open to people. I don't share about myself very much. If I do, it's too much and to the wrong people. I find myself telling nearly complete strangers everything about my life, yet some of my closest friends know little about me.
I was talking to Katherine about it and she told me something that made a lot of sense. I seem to believe this lie that I'm being selfish if I talk about myself and how I feel about things. I pride myself in being a good listener and a good shoulder to lean on. If I'm talking about myself, I feel like I'm being selfish. Katherine said that "If I enjoy listening to people, then why wouldn't other people be interested in what I have to say?". It wasn't exactly in those words, but that was the jist of it.
I guess other people have already figured that out about themselves, but I hadn't. I'm an interesting person and people want to hear what I have to say. Well, the people that are worth knowing will want to hear about me. It's a comforting feeling I guess.
I've always felt like I've been a mature person most of the time, yet there are so many ways that I need to grow and change in.

I have a strange attitude towards men. I think it might have to do with my visits to Mexico and Morocco. I was told to completely ignore the men and their advances. In this context it was the right thing to do, but it is different in the states.
I remember on the cruise ship, one of the men who was working on the boat watched my sisters and myself walk by on our way to dinner. We were wearing pretty dresses and were dolled up (it was formal night). He said something very nice like: "Oh my! What beautiful ladies". My immediate reaction was to avoid looking at him and to continue walking. My sisters smiled and laughed. I don't know what the right reaction would have been, but I don't think giggling was the best response, but neither was ignoring him. Hilary told me that the way I acted was rude. I think she was right. I'm trying to find a balance of accepting an western cultured compliment and not encouraging men who are checking me out.

I'm still in the process of discovering how I feel about my appearance. I think that saying I am ugly is an insult to the human form and God. I'm learning to appreciate that the way my body curves, the shade of my skin and the way my nose is shaped is beautiful. It's part of the ridiculousness of believing that I'm vain if I like the way I look. It's not vanity. I want to be a humble person, but being humble doesn't mean tearing myself down and calling something, nothing.
Because not many people read my blog, I'll just list a few things I like about myself.
List:
1. Hair (the length, the color, the texture)
2. Hands (my fingers are long and make my hands look so pretty)
3. Laugh (I feel so carefree when I laugh)
4. Lips (They have a pretty shape)
5. Cheekbones (They stick out cutely)

I think that's a healthy way to talk about myself. I'm grateful God has given me so many things to be happy about. I'm glad to be in a good place with God right now. A few days ago I was in a sketchy place with God and he provided a way of escape like he promised. It wasn't easy to escape, but it's over now and I can breathe knowing that I can be satisfied in him alone and not by human gratification. It's hard to say that actually, but I know that it is true.